THE FATHER'S NEW ROLE

Becoming a father is a major step in a man's life.  Just the sheer responsibility of having a baby can be frightening.  The woman will probably be home from work for a while, or possibly for good.  So the man is expected to support the growing family.  Just the financial burden alone can bring on lots of anxiety.  Many (first time fathers in particular) find that the prospect of becoming a father brings a crisis of identity, since he is on uncharted territory.

Having a baby was once solely the woman's responsibility, with mother and/or mother in-law, in the background, giving advice.  And there are still some men who are very happy with that scenario.  But most modern men are determined to share as much as he can in the pregnancy and birthing experience.  He enjoys his wife's changing body and feeling the baby kicking against his hand.  But sometimes he is not sure exactly what his role should be, since the baby is growing in her body and not his.

When a woman is pregnant, her body produces greater quantities of certain hormones which help prepare her for motherhood.  These hormones prepare her psychologically for an innate maternal feeling.  No such phenomenon takes place with the father.  Often times, he can't get the feeling of fatherhood until he holds the new baby.  (My husband is a prime example of that.)

So the task of helping the father adjust is important.  This can be difficult since we often times don't feel as though they understand how we are feeling either.  But it is important to share as much experience of the pregnancy with him, as you can.  Have him go to an appointment or 2 with you.  When you go to your appointments alone, share what went on at that particular appointment.  Share the things that you discuss with your health care provider.  Have your husband talk to your health care provider as well.  This way, when you have your normal, but annoying, discomforts, he will know this is normal.  Maybe have him help pick things out for the baby as well.

Also remember to not lose sight of your own relationship together.  Have date nights.  It is so easy to get lost in all of the excitement of the impending baby and to forget about each other.  So really take the time to focus on YOUR relationship.  Do everything you can to stay connected as a couple.  Because once the baby arrives, it will be more difficult to do that for a while.  And the arrival of the baby will bring on new stresses all their own......