THE FATHER'S NEW ROLE

Becoming a father is a major step in a man's life.  Just the sheer responsibility of having a baby can be frightening.  The woman will probably be home from work for a while, or possibly for good.  So the man is expected to support the growing family.  Just the financial burden alone can bring on lots of anxiety.  Many (first time fathers in particular) find that the prospect of becoming a father brings a crisis of identity, since he is on uncharted territory.

Having a baby was once solely the woman's responsibility, with mother and/or mother in-law, in the background, giving advice.  And there are still some men who are very happy with that scenario.  But most modern men are determined to share as much as he can in the pregnancy and birthing experience.  He enjoys his wife's changing body and feeling the baby kicking against his hand.  But sometimes he is not sure exactly what his role should be, since the baby is growing in her body and not his.

When a woman is pregnant, her body produces greater quantities of certain hormones which help prepare her for motherhood.  These hormones prepare her psychologically for an innate maternal feeling.  No such phenomenon takes place with the father.  Often times, he can't get the feeling of fatherhood until he holds the new baby.  (My husband is a prime example of that.)

So the task of helping the father adjust is important.  This can be difficult since we often times don't feel as though they understand how we are feeling either.  But it is important to share as much experience of the pregnancy with him, as you can.  Have him go to an appointment or 2 with you.  When you go to your appointments alone, share what went on at that particular appointment.  Share the things that you discuss with your health care provider.  Have your husband talk to your health care provider as well.  This way, when you have your normal, but annoying, discomforts, he will know this is normal.  Maybe have him help pick things out for the baby as well.

Also remember to not lose sight of your own relationship together.  Have date nights.  It is so easy to get lost in all of the excitement of the impending baby and to forget about each other.  So really take the time to focus on YOUR relationship.  Do everything you can to stay connected as a couple.  Because once the baby arrives, it will be more difficult to do that for a while.  And the arrival of the baby will bring on new stresses all their own......

HOW DOES PREGNANCY CHANGE YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU SPOUSE OR SIGNIFICANT OTHER???

There are some couples that find the transition period of pregnancy to be an especially stressful time.When a pregnancy begins, a man and woman often begin living in different worlds.  The man may find that the woman becomes psychologically unpredictable and vulnerable even.  (I know I am sometimes)  The woman may see the man as being unsympathetic and unloving.  He may feel that he can't talk to her about "rational" things, as he once could, and that she has lost interest in everything except the baby on the way.  He may feel a sense of disconnect from her, maybe pushed aside, as if her were living with a different woman.  The woman's body is going through so many changes both physically and emotionally and he may not know where he fits in exactly.  Often times sex patterns change as well.  Sometimes for the better, but sometimes not. 

Some couples may think that these problems are only unique to them.  And that couldn't be further from the truth!!  Unless you are just an extraordinary couple, there are bound to be challenges along the way, whether the pregnancy was planned or not.  Reaching out, and talking to other couples who are also expecting a baby, can help you to see that you are not alone and that what you are going through is very normal.  Attending a class, perhaps, can help gap that bridge of the different socially assigned gender roles of a man and a woman.  It may even draw them closer.

It is important that you know that BOTH of you are going through changes.  You will not be pregnant forever!!  In the end, you will most likely grow together as a couple and find a deeper connection because of the bond that you have shared.

EMOTIONAL CHANGES DURING PREGNANCY

Ah yes, those wonderful flood gates that seem to open at the most inopportune times.....One day you wake up and feel fine.  You are ready to take on the world.  You finish getting ready, and then boom!!!!  Out of nowhere, you burst into tears and just sob.  Something as small as your husband leaving an empty shampoo bottle in the shower, may have triggered it.  Or maybe nothing triggered it at all.  You have a good cry, splash cold water on your face and feel as cheerful as you did when you woke up.

This behavior is common and very normal during pregnancy.  It is due to all of the hormonal changes that are taking place in your body.  Those changes effect your emotions.  The good news is that this normally tapers off by the end of the 4th month, when a new balance of hormones has leveled off.  (I once acted like a raving lunatic, when my husband ordered his hamburger without pickles.  He doesn't like pickles but I do so he normally would just give them to me.  Well this time he ordered the burger without pickles and I decided he didn't love me anymore.  I still laugh about it to this day)

You may also be having anxieties (especially if you are a first time mom) that you may not want to mention to anyone.  You may be afraid of what someone might think or that you would be judged.  So, you keep them to yourself.  You may be asking yourself questions like:  Will the baby be normal?  Is labor going to hurt and how much will it hurt?  Will I be a good mother?  Am I ready for the responsibility of being a mother?  How will this affect my relationship with my husband?  Truth be told, the majority of women ask themselves at least some of these same questions.  You are not alone.

All off these fears and/or anxieties can easily be put to rest by simply bring them out and into the open.  An intelligent, rather than an emotional look at the answers to these questions, will help put an end to your apprehensions.